Category Archives: life

How goals can be limiting: or, how I failed myself by achieving a goal

In my last post, I wrote two short stories about two goals that I had in the past that resulted in different outcomes.

The first was on my failure to make the California state track & field meet in high school, and the second was on how I accomplished my goal of getting at least 3-4 top-tier conference papers in grad school.

I should be happy with reaching the second goal. However, in retrospect, I don’t feel very good about it. In fact, I mentally beat myself up about it sometimes.

Why?

Because I failed myself in the process of achieving the goal.

Here is how.

Two problems with goals.

Goals can be highly motivational, but they can also have unintended negative consequences. Here are two that I experienced.

First, the goal may shift your priorities, and cause you to optimize for reaching the goal instead of optimizing for what you should really focus on.

In my case, the focus on paper count negatively changed my priorities. Instead of focusing on finding the big problems, I quickly learned how to spot ideas that were highly publishable. Instead of examining the problems as thoroughly as I could, I did the minimum amount of work necessary to create the data for a paper. In academia, we call these LPUs (Least Publishable Unit). I became very good at creating a LPUs around novel and publishable ideas.

This isn’t good. I would have served myself better by finding big problems and tackling them as thoroughly as I could.

Second, by attaining the goal, you may actually fall short of your potential.

Partway through my PhD, I transferred from the University of Colorado to Northwestern University. My expectation was that I’d graduate in 3 more years at Northwestern. I left Colorado with one top-tier paper under my belt, and hit Northwestern in full stride. In the first year there, I got two more top-tier papers.

Yes, that means I reached the goal!

So what did I proceed to do? I got comfortable. The next year, I published one paper, and the final year, I got a short paper into a top conference. I count all of those as 4.5 top-tier papers.

I blew past the goal of 3-4 top-tier papers, but when I look back on it now, it doesn’t feel good. I know I could have done way better than that if I continued to push.

My goals and their unintended outcomes.

I’m not ashamed of my grad school days. I am pretty proud of the progress, and still like some of the work I did. But I know I was capable of more, and I hate knowing that.

You remember the first goal of making the California state meet? The one where I failed?

The funny thing is that I regret not making the state meet, but I don’t regret anything else about it. I certainly don’t feel bad about the failure. I know that I trained as hard as I could, and I feel confident that I didn’t leave much at the table.

In short, my failure was a success, and my success was a failure.

I’ve learned my lesson.

These days, I don’t focus much on goals anymore.

I focus on execution. I focus on learning. I focus on my craft. I focus on being good. And then being better than that. And then better.. and better..

When I work this way, I’m always proud of myself. I don’t say it in a trite “feel-good” sort of way. I feel genuinely proud because I am trying as hard as I can.

What else can you ask for?

Occasionally, I’ll hit a milepost (which could be considered a goal). I acknowledge it, and then pat myself on the back to celebrate the progress. But then I keep moving forward because moving forward is the right thing to focus on.

–

P.S. This is post number #21 in a 100 day blogging challenge. See you tomorrow!

Follow me on Twitter @alexshye.

Check out my current project Soulmix, your daily mix of food for the soul. Request an invite now for free access to the public beta!

The simple secret to achieving your goals

achieve-all-your-goals

I recently wrote a recent post on the simple secret to creating new habits.

For those who missed it, or are too lazy to read it, here is the quick one-line summary: change your wants to wills.

It really is simple. If you have decided that you will create a new habit, then it is decided. In the last post, I decided that a blog post will get published each day. So today, there is no doubt about it. I procrastinated until the end of the day (again!), but now I am writing and it this post will get published.

Today I’m writing about the simple secret to achieving your goals.

Guess what? Same answer. For the same reason 🙂

Now don’t go about setting ridiculous goals. You aren’t going to fly like Superman tomorrow. But in general, the simple trick holds true.

I could just end the post here, but I’ll finish up with two stories.

1. Grad school and the publication bean count.

I entered grad school with the dream of ending up as a professor. I did all my background research and came to the conclusion that most professors at reputable schools had finished their PhD with 2-3 top-tier conference papers. I figured that since I was at the University of Colorado (which wasn’t a Stanford or M.I.T.) it might help to up that count. So, I made it my goal to graduate with 3-4 top-tier conference papers.

I’ll spare you the montage of all of my hard work. But, surprise, surprise.. at the end of my PhD, I accomplished my goal. I came out with 4.5 top-tier papers (one was a short paper), and was in a perfect position to go after faculty jobs!

Why did it happen? Because it was decided and I did everything under my control to make it happen.

(There is much more to the story, and I’ll write about it some day.)

2. The California State track meet.

I high school, I was a track & field junky. I did sprints and jumps, and specialized in the triple jump (I used to have some hops as a kid). My senior year, I decided that I was going to make the California State meet.

Again, I’ll spare the montage, but I was super hardcore with workouts everyday, and 2-4 hours in the weight room after workouts.

Top 3 in each section would go to state and in the sectional semi-finals, I had placed 3rd! In prior invitational meets, I had placed as high as 2nd. That means technically, there was a good chance I would go to state.

Unfortunately, the day of the sectional final, I had a bad day. The bad day, coupled with the flaring up of a prior injury (I got plantar fasciitis during the season), turned into a 5th place result.

FAIL.

Sorry, I lied. You won’t always achieve your goals.

Still, you might get pretty damn far. And I believe that I did. Hey look, I once was one of the top 100 triple jumps ever within the section. I also was MVP. (And now, I’m reminiscing about those good ol days.)

Even though I didn’t reach the goal, I’m proud of all the hard work that I put in. Building a hard work ethic always pays off, as it did when I decided to work hard in graduate school and get those publications.

Anyways, the message is the same.

You may not always achieve your goals, but you’ll put yourself in the best position to achieve them if you change your wants to wills, believe in yourself deep in your core, and then act like it.

Like the classic video below, you got to want it like you want to breath.

–

P.S. This is post number #20 in a 100 day blogging challenge. See you tomorrow!

Follow me on Twitter @alexshye.

Check out my current project Soulmix, your daily mix of food for the soul. Request an invite now for free access to the public beta!

What’s wrong with being average?

It is easy to bash on the idea of “being average”. You hear it in personal development and success literature all of the time.

In theory, it sounds good. Why be ordinary, when you can be extraordinary?

In practice, things are quite different.

What does ‘average’ mean? Is it in your peer group? In your university or company? In your country, or around the world? Average for each of these groups can and will be drastically different. In general, ‘average’ is relative, and it is important to know what you are talking about when you speak averages.

Across any population, there will always be an average. And in many real-world distributions, the majority of the population will end up around the average. Even if you guaranteed “success” to everyone in the world, there would still be an average. It would just be shifted up. In that case, is it so bad to be average? Statistically, most people will fall around an average. Telling everyone not to be average is a little strange.

Average isn’t necessarily good or bad. I am  very near the average height and weight. What does that mean to you?

Average doesn’t encompass your life story. If you were raised by homeless parents, but through hard work got to a position where you made an average American salary, what does that mean? Is it extraordinary or average?

Average doesn’t encompass your ambitions. Two people may have average American jobs. One might be doing it to support his meth habit, and the other is using it as a career stepping stone.

Average seems to simplify and summarize a person down to a simple characteristic: average or un-average. In all actuality, there are so many different sides to a person I don’t even know where to start. What if you are average in most dimensions, but extraordinary in one?

In the end, talking about averages clouds the issue.

Defining a person by averages doesn’t mean anything.

So, what has meaning? Having the self awareness to know what you are, and what you want to be.

Is the average career OK with you? Glad you know what you want. Go for it!

Do you want to be the best damn parent that you can be? Well, forget about the average, and be the best damn parent that you can be.

Repeat this across all aspects of your life, and you’ll be set.

Chances are you will be some kind of average in many aspects in life. Statistically, that is how it works out. You may also be extraordinarily awesome or un-awesome in some aspects of life.

Again, it all doesn’t matter: just know what you are and what you want to be.

–

P.S. This is post number #17 in a 100 day blogging challenge. See you tomorrow!

Follow me on Twitter @alexshye.

Check out my current project Soulmix, your daily mix of food for the soul. Request an invite now for free access to the private beta!

The school of life

We all come into this life as a baby, with zero knowledge about how to live life.

Along the way, there is a ton to figure out.

  • How do we make friends?
  • How do we interact with our friends?
  • How do we get the attention of the opposite sex?
  • How do we manage fun and homework?
  • How do we get better at school?
  • How do we get better at our hobbies?
  • What do we value? Why?
  • What are our goals?
  • How do we manage our demons?
  • How do we learn to have confidence?
  • Is there a meaning to life? How do we find purpose?
  • How do we figure out what to study in university?
  • How do you get a date? What do you look for in a date?
  • Which of our friends are good friends? How do we become a good friend?
  • How do we manage our career? How about work-life balance?
  • How do we become a good leader? How do we become a good follower?
  • Am I a good husband/wife? Am I a good father/mother?
  • How do I let go when my children grow up?
  • How do I manage the thought of death?

…this list goes on and on, but I think you get the point.

All of these questions matter. Arguably, this set of questions is the most important set of problems we have in life.

Yet, how do we go about figuring this stuff out? What systems do we have in place to help us figure out these problems?

Parents play a large role. I haven’t been one yet, but I have had parents and IMHO, the best a parent can do is be a good example. The problem is that everyone is flawed, some people more than others. We can be a good example in some respects, but are bad examples in other respects. Our children see these things, and naturally pick them up. If they are smart, they learn what they like and don’t like. If they are smarter, they learn how to manage the parts they don’t like… but this is a tough thing to figure out and do.

We have an entire education system in which many children spend a lot of time in. It teaches us literature, history, math, science, etc. It gives us a place to interact with teachers and peers. But besides that, what does it teach us about life? Nothing. There is an entire system and curriculum, from kindergarten through graduate school, that focuses on teaching knowledge, but not knowledge about managing life.

Those who go to church may be somewhat lucky. Church provides a community that is structured around concepts of life. Sunday sermons give people one time a week to come together and think about life. So do the other events, such as large groups, small groups, etc. The caveat is that church includes its own dogma, and teaches you a specific interpretation of a set of principles. Which ones do you agree with? And which ones do you not? Well, those questions don’t seem to be discussed much (at least from my experience of going to church for a year).

We have our friends to learn from. In the best case, friends will teach you through example, or provide support and food for thought through good discussion and feedback. In the worst case, friends will become bad influences on you or inhibit your growth.

We may have mentors. But times change, and circumstances change. Not all advice is good. In fact, a good set of questions to add to the list above are: how do we find mentors? How do we ask for advice? How do we filter and interpret their advice?

What else is there? My point is that there really isn’t much there.

In the end, the school of life is simply life itself.

Like a baby who continually trips and falls, we continue to make guesses and take missteps until we figure out each part of life.

The sooner we figure things out, the better. When we don’t figure things out, there may be a steep price: our grades, our careers, our friends, our confidence.

How does this sound to you all?

The most interesting thing about life is figuring out how to live life. There is so much out there in the world, yet not much of it solves our real problems.

This doesn’t seem anywhere near optimal to me.

How do we provide ourselves, our children, and future generations a better school of life?

–

P.S. This is post number #15 in a 100 day blogging challenge. See you tomorrow!

Follow me on Twitter @alexshye.

Check out my current project Soulmix, your daily mix of food for the soul. Request an invite now for free access to the private beta!

Saving our bodies from the desk job

YogaStretch

Our bodies weren’t meant for desk jobs.

We were meant to be upright, roaming around picking berries, hunting, etc.

We were not built for sitting all day, hunched forward in front of a computer. It stretches out the muscles in our back, and shortens/tightens our chest muscles. The slight forward tilt places our head in front our of body, throwing off the alignment and muscle usage in our neck and back. The constant keyboard and mouse use causes repetitive stress injuries.

In general, the desk job wreaks havoc on our body.

What can we do about this?

It seems this problem is going to be bad with my generation, and possibly worse for the younger generation raised on laptops and iPod Touches.

I’ve been running as a workout, but I’ve started to realize that it isn’t good enough. Running  is great cardio, but has a limited range of motion. I’ve found that I feel great afterwards, but my upper body muscles are still stiff from the desk job.

I occasionally strength train. Sometimes it is good, but sometimes it ends up irritating my neck and back, which are constantly tight. I’ve learned to do a light weight training workout that emphasizes full body motions.

So far, the best thing for me has been yoga. It is fairly light-weight (compared to strength training), but the huge benefit is that it actively puts you through a wide range of motions and stretches. Personally, I haven’t found anything better than yoga for combating problems with the desk job.

Recently, I found an 7-min yoga/stretching workout that I have incorporated into my work day. It is fairly quick and can be used as a work break. It doesn’t require much flexibility, and is accessible to most people. It leaves you with a light sweat, but not enough where you can’t do it in work clothes. I would recommend it to everyone.

7-min yoga, plus the occasional runs have been working pretty well for me.

What do you do?

I would love to hear how you save your body from the desk job!

–

P.S. This is post number #14 in a 100 day blogging challenge. See you tomorrow!

Follow me on Twitter @alexshye.

Check out my current project Soulmix, your daily mix of food for the soul. Request an invite now for free access to the private beta!

A typical Tuesday, killin’ it startup style

Have you heard what it’s like being a founder in the startup world?

It’s rough. It’s intense. We’re killin’ it.

We chug beers at hack-a-thon sprints, and create crazy shit out of nothing. We’ll pitch you so good you’ll be stuffing Benjamins down our pants. Then we’ll scrap that shit, pull a ridiculous pivot on your ass, and sprint for 72 hours to hack up some even crazier shit.

By sprint, I mean sit on our asses and code. No, we don’t run. We hack… nonstop.

We have youth, passion, drive, and stupidity, all rolled together in a perfect fucking combination.

We write blog posts that blow up the internet. We disrupt all your markets.

We build. We create.

And did I forget?

We change… the… world… every… single.. day.

* * *

To give you a better idea about things, let me walk you through this last Tuesday.

Beep, beep, beep… The alarms rings. I wake up, and look at the alarm.

It’s 6 in the morning! Shit, I need to wake up.

I’m cold, and sniveling, with some major phlegm going on. I blow my nose, and then hock a loogie into the sink. I’ve been under the weather for a few days, and not feeling awesome at all.

Still, my girlfriend has a hand surgery scheduled at 7:15. She broke her pinkie months ago, got some pins in it, did physical therapy for months, and it still isn’t proper. The doctors say she needs another surgery to scrape away the scar tissue inhibiting her finger’s movement.

So, we wake up, get ready, and make our way to the hospital.

We get to the hospital, she checks in, and we wait. All the while, I’m holding back my coughs. Don’t want to get anyone else sick, right?

Her Dad comes in to make sure she is OK. Now I’m really holding back my coughs.

She gets her finger cut open, while I schedule some tweets and send a few emails. An hour later, it is over. She is all woozy from anesthesia and Vicodin, so I drive us home. On the way, we pick up some prescription.

Both of use are exhausted. She obviously, feels worse than I do. So we take a nap.

A few hours later, my roommate comes in. It is his moving out day. I help out a bit, clean up the BBQ grill (it is a dirty mess), and move it into their van. They drive away.

My girlfriend is still passed out, but man, am I getting hungry.

I drive over to the store, get a sandwich, and go shopping for stuff to cook. Going to cook up some oxtail soup! That should be good for healing.

We spend the rest of the night cooking up the soup, resting, relaxing, watching Law and Order SVU, and eating, with a brief visit from a friend.

Occasionally, a timer goes off, and she needs to take her meds.

I pop a Tylenols, a Mucinex, and then sit down to write this post (because I have to).

Soon, it’ll be bedtime.

* * *

“Yo Alex, great story man. Doesn’t sound like you are killing it though.”

Sorry dude, reality is a different story.

Plus, health comes first. Got to take care of myself, and those I care about.

I hope things get better soon.

Then I’ll get back to killin’ it, and of course, changing the world.

–

P.S. This is post number #12 in a 100 day blogging challenge. See you tomorrow!

Follow me on Twitter @alexshye.

Check out my current project Soulmix, your daily mix of food for the soul. Request an invite now for free access to the private beta!

The simple secret to creating new habits

Molecular Thoughts

It has been 11 days into the 100 day blogging challenge. With this post, I will be 11 for 11. It isn’t a huge win, but it is a win and I am fairly happy with it.

I remember when I first started this challenge. My first thought was, “Damn, this is going to be hard. I’ve never blogged more than once a week.” It was true. In fact, I would often skip months.

And now I am doing it!

The biggest surprise so far is how easy it was to make blogging a habit. That’s right. It is actually fairly easy.

Here’s how I did it.

Before this challenge, this was my inner monologue:

“I know that I like writing, and I know that writing will be good for me. I also know that sharing my thoughts and starting some dialogue online could be good for my career. If possible, I really want to blog once a week.”

You know what I told myself this time?

“Shoot, this challenge is going to be a commitment, but I know I can do it. I will blog every day, and won’t go to sleep until a post is published every day.”

You see that?

The simple secret here is that internally, I told myself that I will do it. I made it a reality within my head. Psychologically, we have a need for our thoughts and actions to be self consistent. Once something becomes a reality in your head, it becomes much easier to take the actions to conform with the reality. It may not be easy, but it gets easier because you already believe that you are going to do it.

It sounds simple, but it most cases, it works. (Obviously, I say most because there are cases that are super difficult involving drugs, mental illnesses, etc.)

Think about it. How many times have you begun a new habit by saying you want something?

“I want to work out more. I want to read more. I want to date more. Yadda yadda yadda..”

I’ve said similar things to myself many times and failed. The truth of the matter is that every time I failed, it is because I didn’t really want these things. If I did, I would have done them.

That’s it!

Change your wants to wills. Believe it, and then take the actions that make sense.

You’ll be surprised how powerful it is. I am surprised every single time I do it.

…and now, I can finally go to sleep 🙂

–

P.S. This is post number #11 in a 100 day blogging challenge. See you tomorrow!

Follow me on Twitter @alexshye.

Check out my current project Soulmix, your daily mix of food for the soul. Request an invite now for free access to the private beta!

Surviving the startup roller coaster

roller_coaster

It has been almost 18 months for me as an entrepreneur in the startup world. This isn’t a tremendous amount of time, but it is enough to begin understanding the lifestyle.

They say entrepreneurship is a roller coaster. And man, are they right.

I have already had my share of emotional highs and lows. It is crazy. You can be on a high one day, and hit a low on the next day. In fact, it can switch multiple times within the same day. Aside from those days, many of the days are simply a grind. Over time, the grind wears away at you, and feels like a low. All in all, there have been more lows than highs; enough that the lows have thoroughly tested the limits of my natural optimism.

Fortunately, I think I have figured out how to survive, and even thrive in this lifestyle. The trick lies in your mind within that space between the stimulus and your response. We all experience the highs and lows. What makes the difference is how we respond to them.

Know which ride you are on.

Let us look at two riders on the proverbial roller coaster.

Rider A hops onto the roller coaster. Click, click, click.  As the ride takes her higher and higher, she begins to get nervous. And it keeps going up! If only it could go down so that the drop wouldn’t be as bad. All of a sudden there is a drop. Whooosh! She freaks out and shrieks. The coaster continues through twists and turns, shaking her and rattling her. By the time the ride of over, she breathes a sigh of relief, and is glad she survived.

Rider B hops onto the same roller coaster. Click, click, click. As the ride climbs up, she looks up, in awe of how high she is. The first big drop occurs, and she throws her hands up, and lets out a scream of happiness and excitement. She leans into the twists and turns, and relaxes her body when the ride gets shaky. When the ride is over, she is exhilarated, and wants to ride again.

See the difference?

Rider A, the novice entrepreneur, is passive and lets the massive dips get the best of her emotions. It is as if she doesn’t know which ride she is on, and is surprised at each twist and turn.

Rider B, the more enlightened entrepreneur, knows what’s up and knows what ride she is on. She didn’t choose the carousel, ferris wheel, or the spinning tea cups. She chose the big bad roller coaster, and expects it to be one hell of a ride.

The key to surviving the startup roller coaster is to set the right expectations and go in with the right mindset. There is nothing special or surprising about the highs and the lows. They just happen to be a part of the ride you are on.

Know that it is a long grind.

Now I know what you are thinking:

“Alex, that is a great story and all, but coming out of the roller coaster exhilarated? Yeah right!”.

I know, I know… like most analogies, it isn’t perfect.

Perhaps this is a better analogy: the startup lifestyle is more like continuously riding the big bad roller coaster for years, with no end in sight.

At first, it can be pretty damn exhilarating. Over time, it is just a grind. If you can’t handle it, your physical and mental health will probably deteriorate to the point where you have to get off the roller coaster.

18 months into my ride, I can assure you that is definitely what it feels like: long grind with many drops, twists, and turns. And that is only 18 months in! I can only imagine it being worse in a few years.

Still, the solution is similar. The trick is to manage your expectations and your mindset going into the whole thing.

If you expect every ride to be exciting, tough luck.

If you expect it to be a grind, and adjust your emotional response accordingly, you may just and survive the ordeal. You may even figure out how strong you are and learn to thrive on this roller coaster.

It is about desire, not passion.

I came across an article today  (which inspired me to write this post) with an amazing Thomas Keller quote. For those who don’t know, Thomas Keller is the master chef behind The French Laundry, Per Se and Bouchon.

He describes how excellence is about desire, not passion:

“It’s not about passion. Passion is something that we tend to overemphasize, that we certainly place too much importance on. Passion ebbs and flows. To me, it’s about desire. If you have constant, unwavering desire to be a cook, then you’ll be a great cook. If it’s only about passion, sometimes you’ll be good and sometimes you won’t. You’ve got to come in every day with a strong desire. With passion, if you see the first asparagus of the springtime and you become passionate about it, so much the better, but three weeks later, when you’ve seen that asparagus every day now, passions have subsided. What’s going to make you treat the asparagus the same? It’s the desire.”

– Thomas Keller

It isn’t about the excitement or the passion.

It is about having the desire to create something of value in the world.

You hop onto the endless startup roller coaster because you must. It is the only way to satisfy this desire to create. And because you know what ride you are on, you know that there will be highs and lows. The dips, twists, and turns won’t stop. So, you lean into them, and you don’t let them shake you. You don’t intend to stop either. Your only expectation to grind it out, and move the needle forward, day by day.

–

P.S. This is post number #10 in a 100 day blogging challenge. See you tomorrow!

Follow me on Twitter @alexshye.

Check out my current project Soulmix, your daily mix of food for the soul. Request an invite now for free access to the private beta!

Quality versus quantity, when mastering a craft

Suppose you want to want to master a particular craft: your coding skills, your social skills, your basketball shot, your writing skills, whatever.

Which approach wins: quality or quantity?

And the answer is… wait for it… here: this is a ridiculous question.

Why? Let us start with two facts:

  1. You start as a beginner. That means you aren’t a master at your craft.
  2. Mastery implies quality. You need to get there somehow.

Now, let’s examine this 2×2 matrix of possibilities between quality and quantity.

QualityVsQuantity

We’ll start with the two left-most boxes in red, where there is no quality in the outcome.

If you have much produced much quantity, and have started as a beginner, it is very likely that there won’t be any quality.

If you happened to have produced large numbers in quantity, it is still possible that there is no quality. It could be because you have not practiced enough, or because you haven’t really been learning as you have practiced.

Either way, both of the red boxes are uninteresting. They do not include mastery as an outcome, since mastery implies that you have produced something of quality.

So let’s move to the more interesting green boxes, where quality is produced.

We will start at the bottom right. It is surely possible that if you produce a lot, some of it will include quality. What separates this box from the one to it’s left? Deliberate practice. By challenging yourself, and learning with each product produced, you learn to create quality.

Is possible that you produce a few things of quality? Yes. Either you got lucky (which is unlikely), or you have spent countless hours iterating and fine-tuning your craft on the few things you produced.

Here is the twist: iteration implies quantity.

What is iteration? It is repeatedly going over a product until it is honed to perfection. And what is each iteration? Another product. Only it is an intermediate product. Anyone who has iterated a product to perfection has produced quantity, but in intermediate products. An similar to the previous case, this iteration was an exercise in deliberate practice.

The conclusion.

When discussing mastery, the quality versus quantity debate is ridiculous.

Mastery is gained by learning to produce quality.

Quality is achieved through some form of quantity with deliberate practice.

Quality and quantity are not mutually exclusive. Mastery requires both.

Q.E.D. 🙂

–

P.S. This is post number #9 in a 100 day blogging challenge. See you tomorrow!

Follow me on Twitter @alexshye.

Check out my current project, Soulmix, your daily mix of food for the soul. Request an invite now for free access to the private beta!

The key to your inner freedom

Viktor Frankl was a neurologist, psychologist, Holocaust survivor, and author of ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’.

He also happens to be the author of the most profound quote I have ever come across. In this quote, is the key to finding inner freedom.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

– Viktor Frankl (1905-1997)

People often describe things as stimulus-response pairings.

  • My friend told a joke and I laughed.
  • I got an ‘F’ and it made me sad.
  • It is pouring outside and it is miserable.
  • He punched me, so I punched him back.

It is as if we are machines where a specific action, or stimulus, requires a specific response.

Not only is this line of thought wrong, it is extremely debilitating. If we think this way, we lose ourselves. We become reactive creatives that simply respond to our surroundings.

The brilliance of the quote is realizing that there is this space between stimulus and response. If you can recognize this space, and then operate in this space, you no longer become a reactive creature.

You get to choose how you respond.

Let us return to the stimulus response pairs above.

  • My friend told a joke. Although everyone laughed, it was an unfair jab at another friend’s expense, so I publicly backed my other friend up.
  • I got an ‘F’. It didn’t feel great, but I took it as a challenge to apply myself next time.
  • It is pouring outside. It just happens that I like to run in the rain, and then come in for a hot shower!
  • He punched me. It was for no good reason. I don’t believe in fighting for the heck of it, so I walked away.

Within this space is the room for choice. And within this choice, is the freedom to become whoever you want to be.

Learn to make good decisions within this space, and watch your life magically change before your eyes.

Except there is no magic.

There is only choice.

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P.S. This is post number #8 in a 100 day blogging challenge. See you tomorrow!

Follow me on Twitter @alexshye.

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